I love my kid. I love her desperately. I have experienced love, joy, and worry for another person different than any other emotion I felt before having a child. Watching her grow and learn and develop is fascinating and endearing. She is my heart, and I cherish her. I would be devastated if something tragic happened and we lost her.
But there are hard days. I’m not really a stay-at-home mom. I’m a work from home mom, and I have a PILE of work to be doing every single day. That’s work that I have to do to make money and work toward graduation. That doesn’t include keeping the house going, cooking the food, and trying to be a balanced person. I know I’m not special in this. All moms have a lot on their plates. All moms struggle to get it all done. This is not a competition. I’m not trying to prove I have more to do than any other mom. I’m just saying it’s hard. There are days when I wish my kid didn’t need me so much. I have shed tears wishing for the ease of my life before my child, and then I have felt guilt for wishing those wishes.
Being a mom is a daily opportunity to become a better or a worse version of myself. I’m thankful for the opportunity to love more deeply than I ever had and to be molded in ways that were not possible before she was in our lives. And if I’m very real with you right now, I’ll be really excited when I get to consistently sleep past 5:30 again…whenever that may be.