10,000 Reasons is this Matt Redman song I have loved since the first time I heard it. Over the past couple of years, I have often listened to this song and prayed for dear friends of mine in dark places–asking God to give them hearts that could sing these words despite their hurt. This Sunday I sang for me. I was particularly struck by these lines:
Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me,
Let me be singing when the evening comes.
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to fine
My feelings of sadness following my miscarriage were intertwined with feelings of fear in trying to get pregnant again. Despite the fact that all indicators suggest that I did not cause the miscarriage and that there is nothing wrong with me, people have multiple miscarriages. I feared going through this pain again.
When singing these words, I was reminded of several things: God was not surprised by my miscarriage and will not be surprised should it happen again; God’s love for me did not change because of the miscarriage; regardless of whatever happens to me in this life, I will always have more to be thankful for than to mourn; and I can choose to let my fear and self-preservation dictate my actions and attitude, or I can run with reckless abandon toward the cross and ask God to replace those feelings with confidence in Him. I in no way mean to convey that I’m walking away completely unscathed, but I do want to convey that I’m thankful I serve a God who delights in His children, whose goodness is incomparable, and who turns mourning into dancing over and over again.