I started my current journal about a year ago, and I suspect this journal will be out of fresh pages by the end of the year. This is notable because the last time I filled a journal in a single year was probably 10 years ago. The past year or so has been a pretty reflective time for me. I’ve been spending more time processing in writing and journaling my time reading Scripture. It seemed like the past year had been this great time of growth. I was starting to feel pretty good about myself.
Then I went back to the first few pages of this journal to see what’s changed in the past year. I didn’t read everything in between. I just compared what I wrote yesterday to what I wrote last October. Guess what, not much has changed. I still struggle with the same things. Even though every day God pushes me just a little bit more, gives me more opportunities for growth, and continues to show Himself, I’m still praying for more of Him and less of me. God continues to reveal how much of the ugliness of my sin and humanity is still in my daily thoughts, words, and actions. I still get caught up in things that don’t matter and fail to take advantage of opportunities for the Kingdom. Yet God is faithful. He continues to love me where I am and remind me of His goodness each day. Yes, God has done a lot to grow and mature me in the past year, but I am still sinful. I still get so caught up in “me”. “I” have not come anywhere in the past year, but God has proven Himself good. His mercies are new every morning, and each day is another opportunity to choose to run toward Him.