Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.–C.S. Lewis
Heard this quote at church on Sunday. Our pastor cited Tim Keller or John Piper, but I couldn’t remember which one and the internets says it was good old C.S.
Anyway, this quote was seriously convicting to me. Pride has been my hugest struggle for most of my life. I’ve known that for a long time, but I’ve been challenged in this in new ways the past few weeks.
Sometimes, I am so self-absorbed. At times when I could engage with my husband, my friends, my classmates, the people at the bus stop, the world that God calls me to engage, I am absorbed in my own little world. I’m looking at Twitter or Facebook because I want to know what’s going on with the people/the world, or I want to tell the world about some insignificant moment in my life. I’m reading a book because I’m sure I can’t spare 20 minutes of doing homework or I’m so impressed with the way I’m growing my knowledge about some topic that makes me feel superior to the people around me because I know something and they don’t.
Now, to be fair, I don’t think any of these things are necessarily sinful. I’m so thankful for social media because it’s a primary way I’ve stayed connected to friends after our move. I honestly feel social media is an effective way to build and maintain relationships with people to some level. I think it’s important to be aware of world events and to build knowledge. Christians are to know what they believe and why, and I think it is important to have informed and educated opinions. However, pursuit of these things should not stop me from engaging with the woman at my bus stop, my husband who wants to invest in me, my classmate who has never known a believer.
I’m learning to find a balance. It’s my responsibility to meet my commitments to my family, school, work. But in all of that, I’m to glorify God and be missional. I need to be intentional about this orientation. I learned this the first time when I lived in Hungary 10 years ago, but I’m learning it again in a whole new way.
I tried something new on Friday. Instead of reading a book or my phone at the bus stop, I engaged in conversation. I met a very nice man who works construction in Boulder. I want to be intentional about conversations like this. I also want to be more transparent about how God works in my life in conversation with people who I know are not believers. For too long in my life I’ve been afraid of being “that” Christian. I didn’t want to push people away. Well, my forays into Calvinism tell me not to be afraid anymore, and if I’m just me and allow Christ to show through me, God will draw people to Himself. He is good and graceful and allows me to be a part of this process. If I don’t open my mouth, I lose that blessing. I’m done losing those opportunities to be blessed and be used. It’s a little scary, but I’m asking God for more opportunities. We’ll see what happens.