When people first meet husband and I, it is often assumed that I wear the pants in the family. Husband and I are aware that this happens, and we just chuckle, knowing that this is far from the truth. I am definitely our family’s spokesperson in many situations, especially social ones. I’m louder, flashier, and generally more in your face. Husband is a man of few words, quiet, a little shy, and reserved…but only in public settings and around people he doesn’t know. When people use these words to describe this man, I often want to invite them over to hear songs being sung by him at the top of his lungs floating from various rooms in the house, or to see the silly things he does because he is bored.
My husband is my spiritual leader as scripture commands him to be. He is wise, discerning, loving, and thoughtful. He guides every aspect of our family: spiritual well-being, finances, health, exercise, use of time, etc. And he does all of this while listening to me and my opinions. I rest in knowing that my perspective is always heard and considered before final decisions are made. We follow the Lord independently and together, and that is why our marriage works as it does. He is the most incredible man I’ve ever met. He is perfect for me, and I love our life. I am his co-laborer and help-mate, but he is the captain of this team.
After saying all of this, I want to let you in on a little secret. If we are completely honest, our dream life may very well include husband working very little, if at all, outside of the home. While we fill the gender roles we believe God has given us, we do not fill societal gender roles.
Looking at us makes me smile at God’s omniscience when He brings couples together. He knew that I would struggle with overworking myself for my entire life. I’ve said more than once that my laptop would have to be “pried out of my cold, dead hands.” Other women scrapbook or garden, I work. While work for me is truly often fun, work for him will always be a means to a paycheck. He finds purpose in projects and responsibility in our home, he attends to tasks as they need to be completed, and he completes them with excellence. I turn into a hot mess of stress when dealing with things around the house and have turned a bit crazy every vacation I’ve spent in the house without some sort of work project to distract me for at least a few days. While I get things done around the house, he gets them done well. He is just better at working around the house than I am.
I’ve met many women like me who can’t stand the thought of their husbands not working. I can understand that, but I don’t feel that way. Should you think that staying at home merely means cleaning the house and cooking food, think again. There’s a myriad of other things. Someone needs to take care of the yard, make sure the car works, care for animals, pay bills, fix computers, run errands, etc. The list goes on and on, and making it alone stresses me out.