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Book Club: Complete Without Kids

06 Apr

Am currently reading this book that I got on my Kindle for free. It examines the experiences of people who are “childfree” by happenstance (life just didn’t go that way), by choice (conscious decision not to have kids), and by circumstance (biologically unable). While the book is not written very well, it brings up some interesting points.

First of all, here’s the given list of “Negative Reasons People Have Children”:

  • Babylust [essentially extreme biological clock]
  • Pressure from Media, Family, and Friends
  • Fear of missing out
  • Proving parenting skills
  • Avoiding being mislabeled or misunderstood
  • Idealization of child rearing

I’m not sure whether I agree that some of these are necessarily bad or good reasons to have children, however, they do bring up a question for me. What is this whole biological clock thing? What does it feel like? What do you think? After reading, I’m thinking maybe I’m one of those people who just don’t feel it. I’ve known ladies I’d describe as having “baby lust.” They’re super crazy about conceiving and can’t wait to have a baby. I’ve definitely never felt like this. On occasion I see a cute little boy and have the tiniest thought that he’s cute and it would be fun to have one of my own. The fact that this is so minute in me makes me think I just don’t have that whole biological clock thing…or at least mine hasn’t gone off yet? The whole analogy is a little weird to me. What was your experience? Can you describe it for me?

We’ve very much been childfree by choice. Up until recently, the idea of having a child completely appalled both me and husband. Currently we’re not as bothered by the idea of having a child, and I’d call us more like childfree by happenstance. There are definitely no children in grad school (unless God decides otherwise). After grad school we’ll see where we’re at, have some serious discussions, and see if we’re going to be chilfree by choice, childfree by happenstance, or something else. In the meantime, I’m going to spend some more time talking to friends who have kids and others who are definitely childfree by choice.

So for now: biological clock–fact or fiction? what was your experience?

 

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5 Comments

Posted by on April 6, 2011 in Team Alzen!

 

Tags: , ,

5 responses to “Book Club: Complete Without Kids

  1. Wendeth

    April 6, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    As you know, I’m only with child by G-d’s choice! :-), but I agree, I had/have no idea about this biological clock, and I was quite happy to not be conformed by it in any shape. I was quite content being the cool aunt/babysitter. Some of us aren’t born mothers, but we sure become one (some much better than others for certain!)

     
  2. Bethany

    April 6, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    I don’t know that I would call it a biological clock, but there was definitely a craving/desire when I was ready for Deacon. I never quite had it for Delaney, but right about the time she turned 18 months, I just wanted another baby. Almost like a light came on. So weird. Definitely not on now. You would know if you felt it. I’m quite certain you haven’t missed it.

     
  3. Laci

    April 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Yeah, it’s interesting, mine kind of comes and goes. Most of the time I’m pretty much feeling like I enjoy my ability to sleep through the night and not have to get up and change diapers, but other times I get that little pang when I see a cute kid and think “awww, wouldn’t it be fun if…” then I quickly decide that I still enjoy playing with them and handing them back to their parents, haha! 🙂 It’s the same as when I see a cute puppy at PetSmart…I always want them, but know it wouldn’t be practical right now.

    I do want to have kids someday, and I’ll bet the “biological clock” will kick in more as I get older, but for now, I’m pretty content over the fact that we have a choice to wait. Others, though, have it screaming at them…my sister has had “baby lust” since she got married, and is dying to be a mother. So I guess it does depend on the person. I’ve just never been really baby crazy. And there’s no rule that you have to be just because you have the parts for it.

     
  4. Bekyb

    April 7, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    I would agree with Bethany there is a desire/craving. I did not even feel that pull until after the decision had been made for us. What started out as circumstance (we are not able to) had become happenstance (we didn’t pursue the many medical options). There is still the question of adopting… that is where our choice and God’s leading are currently sitting to discuss it. not sure of the answer yet.

    About 2 years ago, I strongly felt that “clock” go off. It took me a while to figure out if it was the desire to have a child or for me as a woman to have that experience. I think that we are wired to want to procreate (there’s that command in Genesis) but timing for everyone is different. AND I’m not sure it is in God’s plan for everyone either.
    I do know that NOW I want whatever God wants and that is really scary to think about or say. still prayin’…

     

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